


Get out of my head!

by mira_rr



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Angst, Countries Using Human Names, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Out of Character, POV First Person, Swearing, Translation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-23
Updated: 2017-04-02
Packaged: 2018-10-09 15:17:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10415067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mira_rr/pseuds/mira_rr
Summary: Arthur, trying to show all countries "true face" of Russia, using magic, but the spell does not work as it should, and now everything can hear, what Ivan thinks.But only reality is not at all the same as England imagined, and what should he do now, if the situation does not have a simple solution?





	1. Two seconds before the defeat

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Прочь из моей головы!](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/278877) by ЗарегистрированныйПользователь. 



T/N Italics - Russia's thought

 

**POV England**

Before my eyes, all blurred and my head was stifled with pain in my temples. I bet my crooked body on the cold floor seemed to be more than a pity, but I honestly do not care.

Anyway, no one will see, and temporary weakness - it's just a reasonable price for my upcoming triumph. The spell was very energy consuming, but I can be proud of myself because even a century ago I could not even think about that...

Another attempt to get up came to an end with relative success, and, having risen to a more or less vertical position, I tried to take a few steps.

The demonstration of one's own helplessness caused a new wave of anger from the depths of my consciousness.

It's okay... Tomorrow all my suffering will pay off. It remains only to wait for a little, and then on the spot to run a pre-built sequence of processes.

The chair had to be looked for almost blindly because the vision either multiplied the number of objects by two or three times or even disappeared, that does not increase the degree of concentration on my surroundings at all.

Russia should be, at least, flattered.

I suffer so much hardship, and all for one - to expose this f*cking hypocrite! To permanently delete the "eternal" smile off his face with the help of revelations, I'm ready to go and not to make such sacrifices.

The uneven breathing gradually became equal, and the outlines of objects in the laboratory began to look a little more distinct.

Somewhere from behind blew a cold draft through the cracks. Repair here did not do God knows how many decades, that’s why no longer had to be surprised. The flame of the candles twitching nervously, momentarily faded, and then flared up with renewed force, dispelling the shadows that thickened under the ceiling.

Looking back uneasily, I again mentally cursed my paranoia.

The bloody pentagram has long washed away, and even streaks of chalk left and I still feel like a pair of mischievous violet eyes watching me from behind.

No, this is nonsense. It's just a self-hypnosis, and now because of this, I'm nervous.

Fictional nightmares will never come true, I will not allow this.

Why fight the monster alone, if you can just explain to others who really are the enemy? After the collapse of the Soviet Union all at once for some reason calmed down, lost vigilance... But I will not pay for their naivete and frivolity?

I held out my hand and took the mobile phone from the table. Probably among the various flasks with alchemical potions the child of technological progress looks out of place, but now is not the time to think about aesthetics. What I'm going to make tomorrow, at all desire cannot be done without help.

After finding the number in the phone's memory, I pressed the call button and began to listen to long beeps.

"Bonjour, Bonnefoy cannot talk right now, please call back later. Your call is important to us... I mean, for me..."

I probably would have believed this sleepy voice if I had not been an adherent of a firm belief that autoresponders do not know how to yawn so expressively.

"Francis, do not play the fool. I'm calling on important business."

"At five in the morning? Arthur, darling, this is cruel, even for you."

"Listen," I gathered the rest of my strength, I feel that my nerves are at the limit, "I've found a Russia's weak point, you know? His aura reflects any mental blows, but this time everything will be different."

"Mm... I'm happy for you. Good job."

"You don't believe me?" I laughed bitterly. It's a shame, damn you!

"No, it's just... You've told me a similar phrase many times. And anyway, why did you become attached to Braginsky? You do not have enough of your problems?"

Here he overdid. Francis never knew how to keep track of his language, and, apparently, he did not want to learn. Well, I'll deal with him later.

"You see, I personally do not wish evil to Ivan," the main thing is to add more sincerity in the voice.

"Spell directed to the fact that he only spoke the truth. This will not entail any terrible consequences, we just find out his real intentions."

Francis said nothing, but I could feel his distrust.

"We just ask, if he prepares something terrible or really wants to benefit us, as he likes to show."

In the end, I was not able to resist the sarcasm, but it did not seem to spoil the general impression.

"I do not know, it's just..."

"Stop it, did you get scared? This is necessary primarily for the safety of our people and in such cases, it is impossible to waste time on trifles... And do I often ask you for help?"

"Well," the Frenchman resigned, sighed sadly, "what is required of me?"

That's all... A fish fell for the bait, it remains only to pull.

"Well..." I smiled in anticipation. "First, I need you to distract other countries while I'm busy with Russia. A few minutes, no more..."

 

***

 

From excitement, it seems, even my stomach twisted into a tight knot.

Sleepless night has not passed in vain, lay deep shadows under my eyes, and the only thing I really feared was that a bad light in my eyes would betray my plans.

Francis already successfully restrained Italy and Germany in the corridor. Italy he fed sweets and tried to talk with Germany about complex social-political issues. Sometimes he was so carried away that he could not be stopped, and in this case, Ludwig only had to obey chew the marmalade and watching with a reproachful look, while Vargas was frankly baffled by the complicated formulations.

Other smaller countries also went back and forth across the lobby, afraid to enter in the hall first.

Russia has already been there for two minutes.

I need to hurry because this pervert France will not hold them so long.

Looking into the room, I was able to see how the Russian, sitting in his usual place, looks indifferently at the window. When no one saw, his face did not reflect everyday goodwill, but on the contrary, looked a bit sad and thoughtful, and this made me even more worried.

Taking advantage of the fact that he did not bother to pay attention to me, I rounded the table and walked to the Russian from behind.

Time is running out, but the hell, how am I scared! All this ostentatious serenity is nothing more than make-up, which I really wanted to tear off with the skin.

Calm down, Arthur. So... Breathe in and out.

Only such a fool as America can think that Evil can be defeated with weapons and democracy. Evil can be avoided by reducing the losses, respectively, a drop of poison in a glass - nothing else, as the salvation of many lives.

But wisdom comes with time.

Approaching almost closely, I tried to make a polite smile.

"Hello, and why are you so early today?" Even the voice almost did not flinch; it's time to be proud.

At the same time, I put my hand on his head, and although the countdown was started, the short, horrible unnatural thought that he had surprisingly soft hair, still managed to flash in my head.

Braginsky even twitched in surprise.

"Arthur?"

Amazingly, I almost believe in the sincerity of his surprise. Come on, tell me something! Until the moment the spell takes effect, there are not more than ten seconds left.

"You just sit there all alone, full of sadness, and I decided that maybe something happened?"

Ivan, carefully turning his head, squint at me with a question in his eyes, and the moment when we met with glances, I felt that my arms were numb with worry.

"Here I am!" The uncontrolled surge of positive energy burst into the hall.

Russia turned sharply toward America, and my hand slipped at the last moment.

Damn... Damn. Heck! Damn you!!! I hope you become the main dish at the festival of sirens or Kraken devour you!

"I see you two here alone" Alfred grinned. "And, probably, were very surprised by my sudden arrival?"

**_"I would be more surprised if you came quietly and imperceptibly. And if you’re at the same time did not attract the attention of everyone around you, I would do forever quit drinking vodka, to avoid such «squirrels*»."_ **

"Hey, what's wrong with you?"

America offended pout, just like a child, and I realized with horror that the situation got out of control. I happened to notice something that Jones did not pay attention to Russia was smiling as usual, only in those moments, while the words sounded, his lips did not flinch even a millimeter.

 

T/N «squirrel*» ( belochka rus.) in Russian it is meant delirium tremens, or (belaya goryachka).

P.S If you see mistakes in the text, please tell me about this.


	2. My best tactic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> T/N **_Italics - Russia’s thought_**

**POV England**

Panic broke out on me by a fire somewhere in the region of the chest and almost instantaneously spread all over the body, causing the tips of his fingers nervously tremble.

Of all the undesirable consequences, the worst happened, and to neutralize it, I need time... A lot of time! Maybe a day or two, maybe a week... But the meeting begins right now!

"No, you do not seem to be happy to see me!"  America continued to ignore the seemingly obvious thing. "Do not glad?"

Ivan shrugged indifferently, his whole appearance showing that such complex issues were not in his competence.

**_"This is obvious, isn't it?"_ **

Trying not to pay attention to Alfred's outraged cries, I tried to concentrate on finding the most rational solution... The fact that it will not do without a scandal today is quite clear, but if a catastrophe cannot be avoided, why not try to take advantage of the situation? Well, or at least minimize losses, for that matter.

"Listen, maybe you will not be so furious waving your hands?" Meanwhile, Braginsky did not lose hope to calm Jones.

**_"... You just look like a cock in the days of the mating season, and it's a little annoying..."_ **

I need to take him away from here right now.

Without waiting for a new outbreak of righteous anger, I stepped between them, immediately feeling as on the front line, and then I turned my face to Ivan and tried to switch his attention to me.

"My minister wanted to talk to you. Do you mind if he takes you a couple of minutes?"

**_"I'm against it. These policies are suspicious types... In appearance, such simple and innocent people in reality only think how to catch you and rape your brain with this unnecessary information."_ **

It took me a great effort to hide a grin... And yet he's pretty funny. It's almost a pity that Russia could not prove himself to be a full-fledged country and now he more like a machine of destruction.

Russia looked at me expectantly, slightly raising his left eyebrow in a silent question, and obviously waiting for an explanation.

And I said the first thought that came to my mind:

"You know, it's about oil. The minister simply wants to make sure that if the oil reserves in the North Sea are suddenly depleted, then we will have an alternative option..."

I need to sleep more. The same thought reflected on the Russia’s face, and the next moment in the air formed a silent resentment.

**_"Do I have gold bars floating in oil? They even suspect how much transportation costs, or think that we will evaporate it in the Urals, and then in London, the oil will go along with the rain? This is an economically unviable idea"_ **

From annoyance, I clenched my teeth.

He allows himself too much, even in his thoughts.

"You'll explain to him that this is unlikely, okay?"  It’s never too late to fix the situation. "It's just that such idiots sometimes come into the ministry! He is somewhere in the hall..."

Ivan wanted to ask something, but at the last moment, suddenly changed his mind, and looking somewhere to the side, said:

"Of course. Warn the others that I'll be late, okay?"

**_"I see..."_ **

Having risen from a chair, he slowly walked out the door, and I, having held his figure with a look, nevertheless felt a certain amount of bewilderment.

Did he realize that in reality there is no minister and that all this is just an excuse to get him out of the room? After all, in fact, Russia did not even bother to find out the name of the person with whom he needs to meet... Or did Ivan just forget?

"He's strange today..."

America, already realizing, what England does not pay attention to him, looked depressed.

"All his life he so... odd" I have no time for demagogy.

 

Francis was found among other countries. His worried face expressed an extreme degree of anxiety and now and then appeared in one-half of the room, then in the other. From time to time he talked with someone, but being too nervous to stay in one place for a long time, quickly broke off the conversation and the next second he moves in a completely different direction.

Watching through the half-closed eyelids for his manipulations, I experienced some kind of gloating. At least, I was not the only one who was scared to death, and I'm not the only one, who in a case of failure, getting hit on the head with the metal magic pipe of pain.

Waiting until he decided to come closer, whispered, barely moving his lips: "It did not work."

"Do not be upset," France replied to me in a half whisper, sitting closer, "The next time everything will necessarily work out…"

Distinguishing in his voice a note of relief, I was frankly angry. After all, it was his fault that the spell failed, did not it?

"Until next time, we still need to survive..." the main thing is to add more tragedy to the voice.

"W-what do you mean?"

"Did I say that the spell did not work?" I completely smiled a little. "It worked, but simply because of the intervention of "one person"... Not exactly as it should be."

Francis looked me in the eyes for a few seconds, and then, after realizing that this is no joke, resignedly leaned back in his chair.

"And what now?"

I think about the same. Hardly, of course, he has a reasonable idea, but maybe worth trying.

"You see," I began to explain, "If, before that, his thoughts moved along a closed contour, now because of this rupture, they are reflected not inward, as it was before, but are transmitted to the outside world..."

Not seeing on his face a proper understanding of the size of the whole tragedy, I continued:

"That is, speaking in simple words, now everyone will hear his thoughts."

 

***

 

It was obviously a bad idea to tell Francis everything. In addition to being completely panic-stricken, he also began to demand that I open the whole truth to Ivan. After silently listening to all his arguments, I proposed my own plan. The only one, but not refutable.

"Do you have any guarantees that he will not kill us?"

The shoulders of the Frenchman sank as if accepting defeat. Last time he looked me with a pitying look, after that he turned away as if abstracting from everything that was happening.

Countries that have already taken their seats, were talking slowly with each other in no hurry to start a meeting.

Suddenly an idea came to me. I considered the problem with three components: I - Braginsky - and others. But if you only change the last two items in places, it solves a problem, and there is just will be another conspiracy of international scale.

"You know, you're right..." Saying this, I could not help laughing. "The most correct is to recognize my guilt, right?"

Ignoring the surprised look from Francis, I got up from my seat.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I will ask for a few minutes of your attention..."

 

***

 

A tense silence hung in the conference room.

On the faces of the countries surrounding me, the shades of various emotions were clearly displayed: Doubt, mistrust, curiosity, fear, alertness, surprise...

Everyone assessed the current situation according to their criteria, and each made his own conclusions peculiar only them.

And only in the eyes of France, there was hope. So strong that, frankly speaking, I was almost sorry to ruin his expectations.

"... In any case, I want to apologize again," my whole appearance showed the most sincere remorse, while I look at the perfectly smooth surface of the table. "Most likely, the spell, of course, will not work, but if you suddenly hear someone's thoughts in your head, then just do not pay attention, okay? You still will not be able to determine to whom they belong."

I lie. And at the same time, I'm telling the truth.

It is logical that the "voice" will belong to the person who at the moment is not among us.

Sitting in my place, I felt myself, like a genius of strategic thought.

Firstly, I warned them in advance; calmed them, asked for forgiveness and promised to be more careful in the future.

Secondly, mental magic itself is very complex, and the opportunity to use it should at least frighten.

Thirdly, no one will ever tell Braginsky about what happened without him. There is no sense, and they will be afraid to anger him... And if there were now Belarus and Ukraine, the result would be different, but since there is none...

Fourthly, I still "would get" to Russia. I'll get the most secret desires out of him and sort them out according to my interests. If now only individual phrases are heard, then within a few days the spell will reach the peak phase, and then I can even turn his soul inside out.

And fifthly, someone's heavy, wide steps are already heard from outside ...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you see mistakes in the text, please tell me about this.


	3. The début. The weakness of your/my positions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> T/N Italics - Russia's thought

**POV England**

I can forgive him a lot of things.

His habit of always sticking it where it doesn't belong, his addiction to alcohol, the tasteless scarf that he wears almost all the year round...

In fact, I am much less vindictive than it seems from the side... But this day, I will remember a very long time!

At the moment when Russia, having muttered something like an apology for being late, made his way to the conference hall, an expression of some deep disappointment stiffened on his face.

Something like unjustified hopes, where people believe with all their might, but they do not come true.

I swear I was ready to applaud standing for such a wonderful acting game.

However, in places, he still replayed... Well, people can't experience so many emotions at the same time!

 

Ivan looked helplessly around for a few seconds, and then, met my eyes, gave me a friendly smile.

**_“Arthur, your hallucinations is becoming more realistic... Maybe you'll share tea with me because I'm so impatient to sell a non-existent oil to a non-existent minister...”_ **

I hate him.

After his thoughts, laughter was heard in the hall. Some sounded somewhat frightened, some - surprised. However, now, practically no one will have any doubts that Braginsky fell under the influence of the “accidental spell”.

At least, the reason to gloat a little was found quickly. Due to the fact that almost all countries openly stared at him, Ivan had a conditioned reflex to look at himself for defects.

**_“Why do they all look at me?”_ **

I could have laughed. So synchronously turn their heads aside could not even the Olympic champion in group gymnastics.

However, at us, it turned out by itself.

 

***

 

The meeting began with the usual “So, if no one objects, we, perhaps, will begin...” and unusual:

**_“We can take our pillows and sleep...”_ **

Italy, with a triumphant look on Ludwig, purposely slightly bumped his forehead on the table. If the “Higher Power” (and who else can get into your brain and command here?) say that you need to sleep, then you need to sleep! It does not matter what the German said about the rules of propriety.

Probably, in general, the meeting went almost smoothly. The most difficult for the countries was, not to show their own reaction to caustic remarks and comments. In order to somehow interrupt or distract Ivan from his mental comments, they tried to speak louder than usual, more often addressed him with questions and with all his might to “shake” Ivan, which made him only more mentally lose his temper. All efforts were in vain in advance. No matter how loud the music is played, the person thinks on other frequencies, that’s why the ears clamped with the palms, like the Baltic countries who were trembling in despair, did not make sense. The first ten minutes, some still looked askance at me as if they were the culprits of the outrageous disgrace, but soon they were not up to it.

**_“This topic is so old like an accordion whose buttons have long been erased''_ **

Ah, you see, he does not like the crisis!

But in fact, the more I listened to his thoughts, the more it seemed to me that everything would fall into place. Yes, to others he still seems to be a jolly slacker, but I clearly felt something more, standing behind all these “words.” It's like a heavy load, which is dragged out of the last forces, but not thrown, even if for this you have to fall and fall asleep forever next to it.

Fanatics are all like that. They will come up with an ideology, and then not only suffer under its oppression, but they also try to push others into the path of false beliefs.

No wonder he doesn't consider take over the world. Having a goal and ambitions, why not put all strategic plans on the shoulders of the government?

And he's just a bearer of the idea.

It's okay... And soon it will manifest itself.

 

Speech by Jones. Another rationale for the introduction of troops in Syria. My little boy sometimes behaves so stupidly in his straightforwardness that I repeatedly try to remember all the cases, when I did drop his on a head in childhood.  Judging by the result, I don’t remember everything.

“We must help them!” Jones demanded, looking for support. “In our inaction, we indirectly become guilty of the death of many innocent people.”

If a man, having taken up arms, went against his government, how innocent he was?

In addition, how he can’t understand that it is more profitable to sell weapons than to use them for their intended purpose.

No, Turkey, of course, will be for it... But he has something direct benefit, he can. And this idiot, why does he invade?

“Of course, you need to send troops! And the fact that both sides of the conflict are against it does not matter at all, who asks them? And the civilian population, of course, will be simply insanely happy, dying under the bullets of your soldiers, America.”

**_“Just do not forget to supply them with **composting toilet** s; otherwise, it will be like the last time*...”_ **

Russia enters the discussion fairly judiciously, without slipping into direct insults. But only on another frequency is clearly heard, as he literally boils with indignation.

They want to block a profitable business, yes, Ivan? I really understand you…

All attempts by the rest countries to intervene in the squabble have quite the opposite effect.

 

America looked at his eternal rival no longer with excitement, but with real anger.

And what to do if, in parallel, in someone else's thoughts, they dragged you in the mud, but you can't answer anything?

Really, after all, it is impossible to forbid to think...

 

Alfred, squinting, peered at Braginsky for a long time, apparently deciding whether the consequences of the words just said were worthwhile. Quietly withstanding his piercing look, Ivan smiled apologetically, as if to show that there were no quarrels. Just a small clash of interests.

 

“Russia, you know... That's about making weapons.” Jones closed his eyes like a satisfied cat. “Imagine that people invented the machine that reads people's thoughts. How would you react to this, hmm? ”

What the heck! We agreed not to talk about it, you're imbecile!

Judging by the reaction of the other countries, they are of the same opinion.  By the look of Poland, you can immediately say that this country wants to act like Italy and knock his head on the table. In order to be more expressive, so to speak.

 

“I think it would probably be a very strong argument,” Russia is not particularly surprised, apparently getting used to the stupid questions of Jones. “But I would not want such the machine invented. It's kind of like invading a private space, you know?”

**_“It's like digging in dirty underwear. It is unworthy and even more vulgar than all these glossy magazines about someone's life, in which there is room exclusively for debauchery, greed, and vanity.”_ **

“And what's wrong? This is a great idea! “

Alfred does not understand or, most likely, does not want to understand.

“It's doubtful.”

**_“A person who has penetrated into my thoughts must be very fond of me, and there's no other way. Otherwise, I will hate to such an extent that I will wish for his death at any cost, in spite of any loss and suffering._ **

**_So it would be better not to invent such the machine... We do not need to war, right?”_ **

 

That's it, Russia, wonderful. Partly you showed your essence, partly frightened the doubters, and now no one will dare to tell you the truth.

But, despite the jubilation, an unpleasant feeling appeared inside me.

Not from fear, no. Something else, something was bothering...

 

A/N *… was a precedent when the US Marine Corps, refused to land on the shore of the enemy state because forgot to supply them composting toilet.

**Author's Note:**

> If you see mistakes in the text, please tell me about this.


End file.
